physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize