i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
