His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
