The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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