i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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