I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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