1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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