how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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