well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
