party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
