Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize