I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
