I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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