if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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