Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
