Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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