Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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