dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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