y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
