i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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