I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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