We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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