the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
