there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
