There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
