did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
