I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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