i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
