It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
