Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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