i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
