when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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