I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
