saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
