I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
