Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
