I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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