thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
