I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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