I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How does it feel to date your dad?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
