Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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