My nipple is on Facebook.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
