The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
