Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
