People with herpes should wear stickers.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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