i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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