I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
he had hair everywhere except his balls
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
