i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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