i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
