I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
