; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
