He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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