Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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