we have pet lesbian snakes
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
