Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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