Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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