Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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