When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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