Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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