i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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