see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
