Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
