I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
