Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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