All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
