just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
