we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
