I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
