Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
