This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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