I think I am morally bankrupt
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
