Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
